A couple years back I went through
what I refer to as my quarter life crisis. There was major personal growth in
this time, and a lot of learning as to what I valued, and what was important to
me. One of the major things I looked at were my friendships. Were these people
I spend time with important to me, or was I just using them to kill time with.
Yes, I enjoyed their company, but did their values align with mine? Did I
respect who they were as people? Did I admire them? Did they challenge me to be
better? I also learned about trust. In this time, the time that I was just
becoming an escort, a lot of my friends broke my trust, and it became something
that I valued greatly.
I recently ended a friendship with
a classmate/friend for sending a print screen of our texts to my ex. I’ve been
accused of over reacting. I have ended a few friendships over breach of trust.
My friends know how I feel about this. What good is a friend you can’t trust? I
have no use for them. At best they fall into “Fun to hang out with” category,
but I want better than that.
I had another friend tell me that
he had told several people my secret. Originally he told me that it was his
inner circle. I figured that was one or two people, including his mother. I
later found out it’s five or six. Including people that I’ve been spending time
with hanging out with while at his house. One of whom knows my brother. Ethan
didn’t know his friend knew my brother when he told him, and how could he? But
that’s exactly why you keep shit to yourself.
Ethan tried to reassure me that
none of his friends were judging me, and if anything they though it was cool.
But I don’t care. What pisses me off is I told him not to tell anyone, and he
did. And he pretended afterwards like they didn’t know. I felt like a fool.
When the truth came out I was super
pissed. We were in mixed company, so we kind of talked around it, but I didn’t
do much to hide how angry I was with him. He didn’t see what the big deal was,
and in reality, are these people judging me? No. Do I think this guy will tell
my brother? Not likely. Was any harm done? Not actually. Were my feelings
respected? No.
Tell me what good is a friend you
can’t trust?
