Ugly Duck

     

     I feel like Anne Hathaway. In her earlier days, it seemed that in every movie she was in she did the conversion from ugly duckling to beautiful swan. That’s how I feel. All the time. I feel like I haven’t gotten used to being pretty. That doesn’t mean I don’t own it, but on the inside it feels weird. After a call last week I had to stop and get gas. It was snowing out, and there were lots of puddles, and I was wearing a wool trench coat, dress and heels. The trench coat completely covered the dress, so all the men at the gas station saw was leg and heels. Gentlemen, do you think we do not notice your looks, your second glances, and your blatant stares? We do. I’m not saying I don’t like it, but it still feels weird.

     When I’m at school, I couldn’t give two hoots as to what I look like. It’s like night and day. Rarely will I wear any make up and I try to match my clothes, and ensure they’re clean, but no guarantees. I just don’t care. I go to class, take notes, and leave. I don’t spend a lot of time socialising. The other day an attractive man was giving me the eye, and I think to myself as I head to the washroom, “See, I don’t look like a total garbage truck.” However once I was in the washroom, I saw that my sunglasses had propped a sprig of hair about four inches straight up. Yeah, I’m a real sexy beast!

     My point is, the looks that I get are night and day. I’m invisible when I don’t clean myself up. When I tell people about my job, I feel the need to defend the fact that I clean up good. And other times I don’t care. I enjoy being invisible and underestimated. I will say though… and don’t tell anyone… a few weeks back I went and saw a client, and right after I knocked on his door, something felt funny. I touched my eyelashes… no mascara. I completely forgot to put make up on at all. GASP! What do I do??? To late to do anything. And besides, what would he say? He said nothing, and we had a great time together.

     I suck so much at this ‘looking pretty’ thing, that I can’t do my own shopping. I used to make Alex do my shopping for me, but his plate is pretty full now, and he works in a mall, so in his off hours he avoids them at all cost. But it needed to be done. I hate shopping so much that I avoid it at all costs. I’ve taken do doing one major shop, and generally it lasts me the year. However, my things have gotten pretty rough looking, so today I dragged out my friend, Mr. Pinkie. That’s his actual nick name. And no, it has nothing to do with his penis {as far as I know anyway} He just loved the experience. The goal was sexy, but not slutty. Not to casual, but not too formal.

     “So you’re saying this would be good for Realme, but Not Alison. Wait, hold on, who am I talking to now?” He totally treated me like I had a multiple personality disorder. We did a reasonable job not going over my budget too much, considering I’m making no money these days. But I feel like a new woman. It’s like one of those stupid make over shows where she comes out crying. No not really. Not that bad… but almost.