I'm Icky

            I ended my relationship with Logan a few weeks back. Logan and I have been friends for three years or so, and decided to start sleeping together back in March. There have been a couple bumps along the way, but over all it was good. It wasn’t the sex that kept me coming back, it was that Logan was safety and comfort to me. When I think of him I think of the scene from Traffic where the kid with the invisible cape saves his father from being shot. When Logan wraps his invisible cape around me nothing else matters.

            The thing that ended it was Logan told me that he though we should stop having sex. I knew he was ‘snuggling’ with someone else and that was totally fine with me and I knew that she didn’t know about me, but what I didn’t know was that she was married. Logan was cheating on a woman who was cheating on her husband with a woman who is very sexually active. Logan decided to stop sleeping with me because if I got an STI, it had potential to destroy her family. It’s not the fact that she’s cheating on her husband, and not the fact that he’s cheating on her that puts this whole house of cards in danger. It’s my sexual proclivities. I’m the only one being honest here! So I said go ahead, keep her. I’m out. And I cut the whole relationship. I was angry about the fact that he chose her over me for a couple days, and when I got over it, I thought about sending him a message or calling him or something. I deserve better though. Now I’m just upset that I’ve lost a dear friend.

            I’ve been dating quite a bit lately and the STI issue is becoming a real issue. And I fully respect an individual for wanting to keep themselves healthy, so when they opt out, what am I supposed to say? I’ve heard it so many times, “There’s been something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.” Apparently the “We need to talk” line is out. I cut it short and just tell them not to worry about it and looked for our server so I could split the check.

            “It’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I really am”

            “I really value our friendship”

            “We can still hang out though, right?”

            Seriously. Why can’t anyone have an original line? I’ve had to sit through this same fucking speech three times in the last six weeks.

            It’s just getting tiring. I try not to let it hurt, because I know it’s not personal, but it still stings. I feel like it’s discrimination. And that may seem ridiculous to some but what else would you call it? Yeah. I had chlamydia. I took a pill and it was gone. Zero damage done. I’ve had sneezes that were worse. The thing is I caught it because I get tested often. I’m responsible for my own personal health. If my partner gets tested often too then there’s no big deal.

            I think I’m just really frustrated because I want to quit and I can’t. The amount I owe in taxes is huge, and it has a 17% interest rate. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to pay it down in a year. A year seems like forever working in a job like this. Maybe I should just adopt a fuck and chuck policy.