Hooked Up

I hooked up last night. I don’t know how to feel about it. Weird, maybe? I’ve come to the conclusion that I have issues with sex. Perhaps that statement is redundant. It wasn’t a random hook up, per say. He was an old classmate. Ideally, I wanted to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend, but she was out of town. They have an open relationship, and he invited me over to a house party last night. I had a vague idea that he might be interested in me prior to last night, but when he kept showing me books from his library that were of a sexual nature, it became pretty clear.  What attracted me to him was his size. He is a big guy! I’m 5’2” and if I stand with my arms stretched up as high as they will go, they will reach the top of his head.

He is the first hook up since my ex, the first male partner I’ve been with since my last client in February, and the first guy I’ve chosen to have sex with since October. I’ve been thinking of hooking up for a while now, but I haven’t been able to pull the trigger, so to say. The bar tender at my friends work was my original plan. He’s been asking about me, but I haven’t been able to motivate myself to go down and say hi. So when this opportunity presented itself last night, I saw it as more of an experiment than anything else.

I feel like the old slutty Realme is fighting with the new prudish Realme. I don’t know what’s going on. Is it a maturity thing? I’m 28 now. With my ex, my libido was a real problem. Was it her? Was it me? Was I not attracted to her? Am I not as bi as I thought? Did my previous year of prostitution damage me? Why didn’t I ever want to have sex? And it wasn’t that I fantasised about others when I was with her. The interest just wasn’t there. I have no answers to any of these questions. I only know my sexuality is so fluid. You can put me in a different place on the Kinsey scale every other month.

We got a little messed up at the house party, and I wasn’t able to drive home, and the bed he gave me to sleep in was his. Sneaky. I turned down his first attempt  to fool around, but like most guys, he interpreted that as, ‘wait five minutes and try again.’ It worked. Like I say, I primarily did it to see how I would feel about it. I know this is not healthy. I wasn’t into it. I laid there, and thought, “Right. This is what cock feels like,” I think he caught on to how I was feeling, and we finished up pretty quick. What was awkward was the next morning when he suggested round two.
            “I’m good,” I smiled, and tried to look bashful.

I’m still waiting for my license. That’s why you haven’t heard much from me. The hook up wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t do it for a few hundred bucks a shot though. It was about a 5/10. I’m sure he could do better, and I know I could do better. It was just kind of weird.